the insider tells all - pt i

Let the Insider help you find out more about the sometimes bizarre world of the ski worker... The stories are true, but the names have been changed to protect the innocent!	Previous Insiders - I II III IV V
SLIPPERY NIPPLE?
Did you hear the one about the chalet girl who got caught in bed 'punter shunting'? Another guest walked in on her being smothered in baby oil while in his bed. She slipped out of resort quietly...
ALPINE TOY BOY...
Slightly the worse for wear after a night out on the beers, the homing pigeons were doing a good job for one Val chalet girl earlier this season. It was only when she got back to her chalet that it all went wrong. Slightly confused and almost unconscious, she stumbled into bed at last...only to wake up to the shocking discovery that she was sharing a bed with one of her guests. In some circumstances she might have got away with this, but as the guest in question was only 8 years' old and it was his mother that woke her up shouting, it was not a great PR exercise. Sadly, the guilty chalet girl was sacked shortly afterwards. Tabloid reporters have been sighted sniffing around for the story, but as she was so pissed she still can't remember any of the incident nor being found by the mother, rights are not expected to be high!
REPEAT OFFENDER...
I was recently looking through my old complaints letters, gathered after 10 years (summer and winter) of doing seasons. I'm not that sad really, as I literally get the last laugh and after 10 years it's a form of therapy! Two in particular are from a husband and wife team whose stories didn't quite match. Let's call them the Norman Family. They came to Val twice in the same season, then complained about both holidays (everything therein). Anyway they got a Ł50 voucher as compensation for poor hot water supply in La Foret and what did Daddy Norman do?...only come back again the next year to same old La Foret. I'm sure you can imagine the look on his face when he saw me waiting for him, with my company smile and a "Hello, I remember you." Out of three seasons in La Foret, it is still one of my fondest!!!
WHEN WHITE WAS WRONG...
Colin impressed most of his guests when he worked as a ski guide. He was a sort of Des Lynam of the slopes: blokes liked his easy-going nature, and the ladies, they were keen on his blue eyes and tan! Unlike some reps, Colin even helped out at dinner, although you'd never see him doing the washing-up. He liked playing the host, giving it the chat. So, this one evening he was doing his usual - working the table and topping up each glass with some more red (the white as usual was undrinkable!). He could have been on autopilot he did it so well. Maybe he was, because I don't think he was really concentrating on what he was doing until he came across a "Not for me, thank you." "Uhuh," he said without looking up, "all whities down here then?" It was hard to say who looked the most embarrassed - Colin or Mr Patel!

[Thanks to Will Corlett and Tish Casey]