the insider tells all - pt iv

Shopping day is a great way of picking up gossip. The Insider picked this one up early in the season, lurking near a fruit and veg counter in Moutiers.

Training courses tend to be fairly riotous as excitable libidos meet up for the first time. One such course wound up with a 'get-to-know-the-team' pub crawl.

One of the hunky maintenance men, a little worse for wear, had collapsed face down on a table. And so as you do, his associates decided it would be hilarious to pull away the table and watch him fall flat onto the floor.

Apparently it was hard to tell who was the most surprised when they pulled the table away - his mates when the joke went awry or the nanny who'd been giving him a blow-job under the table!

One week last season, a rumour was flying round in Zermatt that Robbie Williams was coming to the resort for his hols.

So in topical mood, one of the resort reps adapted her weekly pub quiz and asked the question "Which former Take That singer is holidaying in Zermatt this week?" At this point, the young chap at the back piped up "Me, of course!"

Don't you believe it - it's a tough job being a ski tech and putting up with Billys who fancy themselves every week. The Insider learnt of one punter turning up in Méribel convinced he qualified for a big discount off his ski hire.

'Your office specifically told me that I would get this discount,' he claimed waving around an out of date voucher. Our friendly ski tech was unimpressed: 'My mother told me that I would be rich and handsome, so it looks like we've both missed out!'

And here's a cute one to finish off with, just to show you that The Insider is not all bad.

I picked this one up at the airport from a rep who looked at the end of his tether. Flights were delayed, his guests were all over the place, but his coach had arrived at last and he was trying to round them up.

He had a couple of Nipponese names on his list and spotted a pair looking a little lost. 'Are you going to Courchevel?' he asked. 'No,' the brightly clad Jap gleamed, 'we going skiing!'