1 May 2002
G-STRINGS
AND BABY OIL
Imagine… hundreds of screaming fans all clutching cameras
and filled with alcohol on a Sunday night… Dicks Tea
Bar dancefloor transformed for the event of the season - the
highly contested Mr Meribel competition. The final few contestants,
chosen from resort seasoneers for their talent in 'various
areas', paraded to the delight of the crowd, the night expertly
compared by Ben and Mike 'the human dukebox'.
SUNGLASSES
AND SEX-TOYS
Tension was high as the contestants made their first appearance
to the crowd, a dance section and their chance to make a good
impression. Several were unable to speak, so 'overcome' were
they, but this did not inhibit their chances, merely promised
of more to come. The judges were harsh but fair throughout,
Felicity taking her job very seriously, snogging each contestant
to make absolutely sure that the best man won. The skiwear
section was a huge success with padded lycra in abundance,
but top credit to Nick from the Ronnie who appeared in just
his skiboots and a well-positioned ribbon tied in a delicate
bow. Sadly this photo is not publishable. But to follow was
the much anticipated…
SWIMWEAR
SECTION
This was a quiet affair involving much bare flesh (particular
note to Andy from Castors and his skimpy bikini) and a beer
fight that rendered the stage a giant skid pan, causing a
hilarious pile up of naked men. What more could a girl ask
for?
JUDICIOUS
JUDGING
The general carnage continued as Gallie, half of the duo
Bagpuss and hot favorite so far, secured his chances of victory
by plucking Felicity from her judges stool and, delicately
throwing her down in the lake of beer, jumped on top of her
to the screams of delight from the crowd. Thus, trump card
played, Gallie eventually took the trophy and, after several
laps of victory and several more pints, lasted at least another
half an hour before he had to be carried home.
COWBOY
HATS AND NAKED CHEFS
The famed Meriski one valley rally, Wacky Races, caused
consternation on the pistes as 100 season workers in fancy
dress followed the cryptic clues around the Meribel Valley.
All very simple, until the forfeits at each checkpoint are
considered.
GUINNESS
AND BUTTOCKS
Barely hampered by their ballgowns, bin liners and inflatable
aliens, the teams made their drunken way to the top of Col
de la Loz to collect extra points by, much to the delight
of terrace diners, running naked around the giant piste map
sign. There were more points to be had for gathering ESF instructors
and for mooning the camera (or for getting the instructor
to moon the camera).
EGGS,
FLOUR AND FEATHER BOAS
The Naked Chefs, eluding the saboteurs who were merilly
knicking skis off bubble lifts and quietly leaving them at
the midstation, over a cliff or on a lift headed back down
the mountain, picked up the first prize, a combination of
fastest team and most points. Prizes were donated, among others,
by Pizza Express and White Stuff.
TERRACE ACTION
Closing nights ran rampant in the last two weeks of the
season from the Pub, Dicks and Jacks to the now legendary
Rondpoint closing. Hundreds packed the terrace braving the
wind and rain to hear a succession of bands and DJs. Eventually
forced inside, Shibolith finished the day with the crowd moshing
and surfing. Always with the last word, the closing of their
last gig at the Ronnie they thanked "All the locals and
sod the rest, and special thanks to that bird with the enormous
tits". Magic. Any other details of the day are lost to
the collective memory through excessive inebriation.
SPRING SNOW NO BILLIES
Snow and sun to end the season, as the bbqs started and
friends part for the summer. Good luck to everyone heading
off down south or back home. Thanks for the good times and
good memories, or rather hangovers and lack of memory. Maybe
see you next year? Go on, just one more season, you know you
want to…
Report from Phin - Natives
Resort Reporter in Meribel
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