AND NOW IT'S HERE... THE FINAL CURTAIN
Well that was horrible. The shops all closed down, one by one the pubs called time for another six months, seasonaires dispersed and we ran out of food. We waved goodbye to our last guests two weeks ago before getting down to polishing light bulbs and scrubbing u-bends (on three separate occasions) ah, the joy of close down week.

A gruelling 14-hour coach journey followed where sleep was impossible due to the Baltic conditions on the coach, handyman Joe commented that he wore fewer clothes on the piste. We sat subdued on the ferry and were greeted to our first sight of England shrouded in a veil of grey skies and falling rain. Wonderful. But what great memories we took with us, here a few….

GUY FAWKES BRICKS IT
After a day of festivities two weeks ago, a barbeque out the back of the hotel where contradictory to the normal behaviour of males (" we are men, we make fire") no one was battling over the coals, a couple of rounds of Roxanne in Gringos (boys stand up and drink to Roxanne, girls to Red light, and the last chorus is a bitch) the pyromaniac kitchen staff started letting off fireworks.

The owner of our hotel who was watching the amateur display from his house directly opposite was not too amused when plongeur 'ghetto' John started to light rockets of the bonnet of his brand new car. Storming over to John, we looked on with no comprehension and much amusement as the hapless plongeur was pulled around by his arm to shouts of "gendarme, police!".

As Johns understanding of French is as expansive as my understanding of how exactly men can easily go to sleep in the middle of a full-on row, we awaited the wails of sirens and John trying to leg it. Fortunately, Resort Rep 'Mama' Helen, saved the day by calming the situation down. The whole pub then had the pleasure of watching John franticly scrubbing at the scorch marks on the owner's car

AMBASSADOR OF THE BAD DAY SHUTS US ALL UP
On this impromptu bonfire night, Manager Symon, who has entertained us all season with his non-ability to function after a night out, won our respect when he professionally and successfully executed the 200 Franc challenge (30.5 Euro challenge just doesn't flow) in Gringos. Consisting of downing ten double shots of various alcoholic concoctions, we eagerly awaited the inevitable projectile vomiting (as demonstrated by myself all over my new 'Kylie' trousers last week). But alas, he was fine, and we all had to take back our snide remarks.

MORE NOMINATIONS
Best Spectacle on a piste, contenders are:
Chef Aidan, hammering down a particularly steep run, realised he was coming up rather too fast behind a young French child, instead of accepting that a crash was imminent, he calmly picked up said young child and threw him to the side of the slope before continuing his run.

Tag team Becki and Shayley: Another young French child was the innocent victim minding her own business at the bottom of Jardin Alpin drag lift when she was quickly and painfully wiped out by Shayley. After much wailing and sobbing she was dusted down and placed back on her feet. Only to be wiped out a second time by Becki. I should imagine both children now venture out in full body armour and detectors.

THE BEST PUB IN THE WORLD
Sitting in bars at home, you are occasionally treated to programmes of boarders and skiers displaying daring jumps, playing away in the background. A few weeks ago I was treated to it for real. A load of us had a fantastic day at the kicker off the top of Chenus. The sun was beaming, the dance tunes perfectly choreograph red the jumping, the beers chilled in the fresh snow and the video recorder could not fully justify the excellent and daring backflips, frontflips, 180's and 360's the guys were pulling off. That's what it was all about.

AND THE BEST OFFICE IN THE WORLD
Where else could you work where you could experience (get away with) the following things: having a view of the alps out of the kitchen window, having enough time off in your working day to have a full day on the slopes, knowing every night is a potential Saturday night, and sod the hangover because you can get away with working with one (except if you are Symon), indeed, being completely smashed at work (you have to be a bit more careful with this one though-no spilling soup all over customers or dropping various sharp items), greeting your fellow workers with "good morning/evening you c***sucking motherf***ers and receiving peals of laughter in response, sexually harassing the plongeurs especially Fast Eddie who was violated by all of us in the kitchen (but he is the best piece of ass in three valleys). Carry on like that at home and you'll get a lawsuit filed against you, but its normal behaviour for the seasonaires.

AU REVOIR COURCHEVEL
So that's it. It went quick and already I miss it. I will be back, oh yes, I will!

Report from Simone Down - Natives Resort Reporter in Courchevel

Mail this page to a friend
What do you think? Tell us on the Message Boards