the continental view

The Mullet Haircut
(Mulletus shitueous hairus)'

As promised a review of the “mullet” hair cut, this piece has been inspired by first hand primary research data collected whilst trying to capture rare moon boots on film. 

Whilst tracking a particularly shy pair of tartan “Booty’s” that had ducked into a local café I found myself in awe at what adorned the waiter's head.  My research into Moon boots complete I decided to delve further into the phenomenon known in the hair trade officially as the “Mullet”.

Foreigners as you may have established for yourself are an unending source of amusement to me. My first taste of the famous foreign sense of humour was whilst being nearly drowned in a sea of them whilst walking around London.  Large groups of French school children, with the most fantastically amusing hair (Mulletus), footwear (Lunar variety) and other general clothing apparel. 

I remember at the time being reprimanded by one of the teachers for pointing and laughing at one of their more outlandish examples, which I thought strangely at the time, started to cry. It was only until much latter did I realise that these amusing children where not dressing up for ‘a bit of a giggle’, but were actually dressed, deliberately to look like complete Muppets.

Anyway I digress, the reason I am telling you all this is the reason why I was inspired come to France under the guise of doing a ski season, to gather research for my new book entitled “How to enjoy foreigners at their expense”. 

With the help of a research grant from A.D.O.L.F (Abuse and Defamation of Lairy Foreigners) I am in the process of finishing the last chapter, Chapter 7, “The Wondrous Mullet”.   The aim of this extract from the book is to give you an insight into some of the groundbreaking research that I have undertaken, and how a notary author goes about writing a best seller. 

“How to enjoy foreigners at their expense” is published by “Beaver's Pelt Publications” and is available in all good book shops price - £15.99.


The Mullet (Mulletus shitueous hairus) is a form of ridiculous hair cut, short on the top, long at the back.

I feel at this point that it would be useful for the reader to issue the official “Hair and Tash weekly” (1982) guidelines on the wearing of the Mullet

"The Mullet is a sign of your sexual virility and therefore should be worn with pride, when asking your barber for a mullet you should use a derivative of the following phrase – 
“Number one on the sides, six on
the top and don’t touch the back, Jack”. 

This will let your hair stylist know that you are a serious Mullet man and he will treat you with the respect you deserve”.

This is Quani, he is widely believed to be the father of the Mullet, he is revered throughout the world.

The “Ape drape” has long had a tradition in the deep South of the USA, but this fact is in many ways excusable as they are by enlarge ignorant country inbreeds who really don’t know any better.  What is inexcusable is the export of the “do” to Europe.

So what now follows is a short pictorial preview of the mullet a la Europe research.

Where to find the mullet
If not on the street you best bet is to try sporting events, IT departments or bars with no women in them.  The Mullet is making a comeback in French teenage culture, it appears that the early enforced ridicule of their parents is showing up again in their late teens.


Where are mullets going?
There appears to be a genetic component to Mullets, more and more mullets are finding each other and breeding!!

The Future of Mullets
Female mullets (Femullet) enjoyed some popularity in the 80’s, but more recently have faded away in normal female society. Although thankfully there is no future in it there is a great European increase in the lesbian mullet, or that what has now been coined as the “Lullet”. 


 The official “Inspired Mullet” back catalogue The last section of the chapter is entirely devoted to those people who have gone way beyond despicable hair etiquette to create something quite quite beautiful. 

These gems are the best of the best, the reason why I relentlessly pursue my research.

I would personally like to thank everyone, who helped to make this book possible, if it wasn’t for their monumentously poor taste my life would be meaningless. 



May I take this opportunity to encourage others to display the kind of selflessness that these individuals have exhibited thus making the world a more amusing and happier place for the rest of us.

[Courtesy of Matt Davies, Editor of the Mountain'ear]

Les and his mullet

On a final note, here is a Natives mullet. This is Les.



The Continental

French Driving

When friends come to stay

Boots of the Moon

The Mullett Haircut




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