the insider tells all - pt iii

Let the Insider help you find out more about the sometimes bizarre world of the ski worker...

The stories are true, but the names have been changed to protect the innocent!     



Previous Insiders - I II III IV V
KEEP ON THE GREENS


Did you hear the one about the ski guide who said when confronted by a distraught punter on the slopes accusing him of not sticking to the easier green runs, "Well that's f**king green isn't it"... as he pointed to a tree!

THOSE CHARMING GUESTS...


A jolly comment recently seen in a guest book in Courchevel:

"We timed it wrong for our chalet manager's cycle, otherwise fantastic!!"

READ THE INSTRUCTIONS ON THE BOX


I heard on a recent trip to Alpe d'Huez a great story about of one of the nannies working over there.  

It was her first season so before she came out she was very careful about packing her suitcase - and making sure she had everything on her employer's 'essential items list'.   

One of the 'essential' items was contact lens fluid which she duly went out, bought and packed.   The funny thing is, though, she doesn't even wear glasses let alone contacts!

LAPPING IT UP


Pop Quiz - You're sitting on a chairlift, it’s minus 15, you're wrapped up nice and warm and the only thing exposed is your mouth. Do you:

A) Make light and general conversation about the weather and current political situation?

B) Impress the girl beside you with your command of her native language?

C) Decide to press you tongue against the frozen metal of the lift?

Everyone who didn’t answer C read on….

A certain chalet boy, who shall remain nameless only for the reason that anyone this stupid is living on borrowed time.  While on a chair lift up from Le Tania this genius decided to press his tongue against the frozen metal of the lift (I guess to see how cold it was...).  Unfortunately he left a little tongue behind, as you do. So if you riding on chair number 67 up from La Tania keep an eye open for bits of tongue!

REP SWEARS AT GUEST SHOCK...


One resort manager in Verbier (who we shall call  Nick) was very excited about his new mobile phone.  So much so that he took it with him on the mountain, before he had yet mastered the 'lock' feature.

In regular conditions this wouldn't have been a problem, but it was a powder day and he kept falling over.  And every time he fell over he made a call to the last number he had dialed.  Perfectly, in this case he ended up ringing one of his chalets where an ill guest answered the phone.   

At first it was simply confusing for the poor Billy - a call from someone who was talking, just not to him.  And the voice sounded familiar!  It didn't seem like a hoax call, but as Nick kept falling over, the more the phone kept ringing.  And as Nick got more frustrated, so did his language!  

Unfortunately the chalet guest didn't quite take to the idea of his rep shouting 'Bollocks, bastard bollocks' at him.  By the 10th call, he'd had enough.  When Nick walked in that evening to sell après-ski he just shouted 'BOLLOCKS!' at him at the top of his voice.  

They laughed about it later, but Nick was forever known as 'a bollocks rep' after that!

[Thanks to The Courchevel Enquirer, Anne Shaw and Tim Keen]

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