|'The Boots of the Moon'
I have found out that the men from the "Protection of French Culture Initiative" have put out a contract on me. Im continually being followed by a man with a mullet haircut who keeps trying to get me to listen to a limited edition single of Miche Pariss poor tune "Jo le Taxi". I think Ive definitely rumbled their propaganda machine.
Any way onto this issues focus on the continent, under pain of late messages and weak or non-existent cups of tea I would like to print the following disclaimer:
"I like the French" - the Brits have plenty of little quirks that other cultures and indeed myself find amusement in. It is indeed these differences that make us who we are, if we cant laugh at ourselves and more importantly others then the world is a very sad place. Lastly if I have insulted any French nationals in my local vaccinate Im sorry, and it's two sugars not one, plenty of milk.
Fashion is the sole focus of this issues look at the continent. We in England are continuously reminded about our distinct lack of fashion sense - how we cannot hold a candle to the European, namely French, fashion conscious. If this be true then can anyone explain to me what the French obsession with bloody Moon boots? You see them everywhere on any manner of people. Now I am sure that they are indeed highly practical in snow covered areas but why? They look unbelievably stupid, they instantly transform the wearer into a 1970s mental patient throwback who cant be trusted with regular shoes.
If you are not aware of their presence, I will issue a brief description of them and the people who wear them. They are basically large shin-high slipper/boots that are usually worn over 80s style faded drainpipe jeans. They come in a variety of offensive colours, but are always dedicated with the words "MOON BOOTS" in large white letters across the heels for easy identification.
The people who wear them come from no easily distinguishable sections of society - they are worn proudly by school children and fur-clad madams alike. The fact that they may be dressed impeccably from head to knee is completely ruined as the eye (or at least my eye) is drawn somewhat naturally to the ground where can be found the boots of the moon.
I admit that am quite sad in spending my lunch hour (when not engaged in window-shopping) waiting expectantly for a pair of Moon boots to wonder by. I note the serial number, colour and any name variations such as "Bootsy" which I see in my little black book.
Last week I snagged the largest "Moon boot family" Ive ever seen (9 members) in which were represented most of the usual colours. What got me really excited and caught my eye however was the mother, she was wearing a very rare pair of silver Moon boots. I quickly delved into the pocket which usually houses my camera and went to snap the elusive pair but I think that I must have spooked her as she gathered up her offspring and bolted for cover behind a bus.
In reverence of my new found hobby and by way of paying my respects to the most amusing fashion accessory since the Mullet hair cut (also very much alive) I am planning a Moon boot pub crawl around Chamonix. If you would like to join in on the celebrations please write for details, to be eligible you need only supply your own boots (Moon variety) which must be worn confidently over your leg wear.
I myself have invested in a quite a rare pair of white boots, and can be seen hanging out on the South side of Chamonix in the hope of attracting a previously-thought extinct pair of Gold Moon Boots that have been sighted there. If you share my interest in moon boots please send any photos of rare coloured boots, especially when attired on the foot of questionable haircut.
Must sign off as I think I can see the man from the POFCI trying to crawl up to my window with a microphone - next issue a review on mullet haircuts.
[Courtesy of Matt Davies, Editor of the Mountain'ear]