The Five Stages of Drunkenness //

Author
  Topic Started By:  Bags    On:  Thu 22nd September, 2005 at 16:08
Bags
Member Since: 2005
Posts: 2,042
London
#1  The Five Stages of Drunkenness  22 Sep '05 at 16:08
Stage 1 – CLEVER
This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known universe. You know absolutely everything and you want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always right. And, of course, the person you are talking to is very wrong. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are CLEVER.

Stage 2 – ATTRACTIVE
This is when you realise that you are the most ATTRACTIVE person in the entire bar and everyone fancies you. You can walk up to a perfect stranger knowing that they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still CLEVER, so you can talk this person about any subject under the sun.

Stage 3 – RICH
This is when you suddenly become the RICHEST person in the room. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have a bottomless wallet. You can also make bets at this stage, because of course you are still CLEVER so, naturally, you will always win. Anyway, it doesn’t matter how much you bet because you are RICH. You will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, in the knowledge that you are clearly the most ATTRACTIVE person present.

Stage 4 – INVINCIBLE
You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone, especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because you are now INVINCIBLE. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and challenge them to a battle of wits or strength. You have no fear of losing this battle, because as well as being INVINCIBLE, you are also CLEVER, RICH and more ATTRACTIVE than them anyway.

Stage 5 – INVISIBLE
This is the final stage of drunkenness. At this point you can do anything, because you are now INVISIBLE. You can dance on a table to impress the people who you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You can then snog the face off them for the same reason. You are also INVISIBLE to the people who want to fight you. You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you and because you’re still CLEVER you know all the words.
"I am a very good skier...in my mind. However, video evidence suggests that I'm rubbish. I look like a bus driver in a primary-coloured anorak, sitting on an imaginary lavatory. Also I can only turn right. So to mask my embarrassment, and the pain in my thighs, I ski only when very drunk. I can recommend this wholeheartedly." Jeremy Clarkson
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Vix63
Member Since: 2005
Posts: 1,631
here, there and everywhere
#2  Re: The Five Stages of Drunkenness  22 Sep '05 at 16:23
LMFAO!!!!

Aah, good times!
www.myspace.com/vix63
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Bags
Member Since: 2005
Posts: 2,042
London
#4  Re: The Five Stages of Drunkenness  22 Sep '05 at 17:04

Originally posted by Dinosaur

You missed out 'FLUENT IN FRENCH'

YES! So true! I always seem to make a beeline for the nearest French person (there's obviously quite a few in London) just so I can impress them with my fabulous command of their language... Failing to realise that speaking in English with a smattering of French words doesn't really have the same effect...
"I am a very good skier...in my mind. However, video evidence suggests that I'm rubbish. I look like a bus driver in a primary-coloured anorak, sitting on an imaginary lavatory. Also I can only turn right. So to mask my embarrassment, and the pain in my thighs, I ski only when very drunk. I can recommend this wholeheartedly." Jeremy Clarkson
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seejay
Member Since: 2005
Posts: 790
Val - Newcastle - Bucks
#5  Re: The Five Stages of Drunkenness  22 Sep '05 at 18:28
But I AM invisible
[color=#FF0000:e61dce8b75] its all about the [/color:e61dce8b75]: Jib-Vid
2 points up.
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Skibum
Member Since: 2004
Posts: 3,113
The Back of Beyond.
#6  Re: The Five Stages of Drunkenness  22 Sep '05 at 18:40
I can't speak French much, but I go mostly to Austria anyway and have a terrible habit of inventing German words when drunk there... my command of the German language is flaky at best, but when drunk I speak my own dialect fluently!
"The Dude abides."
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Kenzie
Member Since: 2004
Posts: 3,051
God's own county/Tignes/South America/North America/Australasia/Asia/Africa
#7  Re: The Five Stages of Drunkenness  23 Sep '05 at 07:55
French? That is the dialect of English spoken slowly & loudly.

German? English with all the 'W's changed to 'V's.

Always seem to work, or else everyone who wants to take money off me speaks English anyway.
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Vix63
Member Since: 2005
Posts: 1,631
here, there and everywhere
#8  Re: The Five Stages of Drunkenness  23 Sep '05 at 08:17
There's also the trying to be quiet when you get in, accompanied by 'SHHHHHHHHHHHH' with appropriate finger action.....
www.myspace.com/vix63
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Bags
Member Since: 2005
Posts: 2,042
London
#9  Re: The Five Stages of Drunkenness  23 Sep '05 at 09:29

Originally posted by Kenzie

French? That is the dialect of English spoken slowly & loudly.

German? English with all the 'W's changed to 'V's.

Always seem to work, or else everyone who wants to take money off me speaks English anyway. [/quote:591e2f9e95]
Good one Kenz. Very true about the money thing. I should def get practising my french to see if it works on them too.

[quote:591e2f9e95="Vix63"]There's also the trying to be quiet when you get in, accompanied by 'SHHHHHHHHHHHH' with appropriate finger action.....

Only if you bring someone home with you Vix, eh eh!?
"I am a very good skier...in my mind. However, video evidence suggests that I'm rubbish. I look like a bus driver in a primary-coloured anorak, sitting on an imaginary lavatory. Also I can only turn right. So to mask my embarrassment, and the pain in my thighs, I ski only when very drunk. I can recommend this wholeheartedly." Jeremy Clarkson
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