ohh what a doo laly of a pickle!! //

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  Topic Started By:  siy    On:  Tue 23rd August, 2005 at 18:05
WTFH
Member Since: 2004
Posts: 14,398
Surrey
#32  Re: ohh what a doo laly of a pickle!!  26 Aug '05 at 13:18

Originally posted by helsbels

Originally posted by WTFH

So, he says it's not. Have you replied?
Maybe thought about saying sorry for accusing him of brushing you off? (or is it his fault?)

we have text since but about unrelated stuff, job interviews etc.
why should i say sorry for HIM not being interested? i wasn't 'accusing' i was asking a him question, and i'm not convinced that he replied honestly. and it's no ones 'fault.'

hels, I'm not trying to be mean, but, being a man, I think like one, too.
He will perceive what you said as you accusing him of brushing you off. Now you say you think he was lying (although you're very diplomatic in saying "i'm not convinced that he replied honestly")
And with the way you worded the "why should i say sorry for HIM not being interested", while you may say that it is no one's fault, you believe that it is his responsibility to make the next move.

So, whether you meant it this way or not, that's what he's perceived.
Put it another way, if I called you a liar, when you weren't, why should I expect you to come running to me?
I post, therefore I am

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helsbels
Member Since: 2004
Posts: 2,044
Weston-super-Mare, (Winter 04/05- Lapland then Morzine - Esprit.)
#33  Re: ohh what a doo laly of a pickle!!  26 Aug '05 at 14:15

Originally posted by WTFH

Originally posted by helsbels

Originally posted by WTFH

So, he says it's not. Have you replied?
Maybe thought about saying sorry for accusing him of brushing you off? (or is it his fault?)

we have text since but about unrelated stuff, job interviews etc.
why should i say sorry for HIM not being interested? i wasn't 'accusing' i was asking a him question, and i'm not convinced that he replied honestly. and it's no ones 'fault.'

hels, I'm not trying to be mean, but, being a man, I think like one, too.
He will perceive what you said as you accusing him of brushing you off. Now you say you think he was lying (although you're very diplomatic in saying "i'm not convinced that he replied honestly")
And with the way you worded the "why should i say sorry for HIM not being interested", while you may say that it is no one's fault, you believe that it is his responsibility to make the next move.

So, whether you meant it this way or not, that's what he's perceived.
Put it another way, if I called you a liar, when you weren't, why should I expect you to come running to me?

ok, so haven't seen him for over a week coz he'd rather go running, how am i supposed to take that apart from as disinterest and a brush off?
i've not told him i think he's not being honest so he can't be offended by that.
i don't like u using the word accused, all i did was give him an opportunity to say he didnt wanna see me no more if that was the case and to give him a hint that i was feeling like i was getting brushed off, he said not, and for all i know, he might still be keen, you can't deny he's not acting like it tho?!
i'm leaving it up to him to make the next move coz as i said before, dont wanna put my neck /heart/whatever on the line for him to be an emotional retard and screw me over (yes yes been hurt before, blah blah,)
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WTFH
Member Since: 2004
Posts: 14,398
Surrey
#34  Re: ohh what a doo laly of a pickle!!  26 Aug '05 at 14:50
Hels, all I'm trying to do is get you to look at it from HIS point of view.
If you can understand where he's coming from, then it might make it easier.
See, men are simple creatures, we give simple answers.

You asked him how things were, he said that he was very busy, and was broke.
That, to a man, means "He is busy, and he's broke". Nothing more, nothing less.
You then said you wanted to do something. Now, in his mind, he's already said once "I'm busy", so now he's getting asked the same question a second time.
He is a man. He replies with the same answer, because it's the only answer he knows.
You then say he's giving you a brush off. In his mind this is you asking for the third time the same question.
In man-speak this is known as "nagging".
Whether you think so or not, he is now annoyed at you - he has tried to tell you that he's busy, but you don't want to accept that.

From his point of view, he will probably contact you when he's got the time to spend with you. The question is, when he does have the time to give you some attention, how will you react?
I post, therefore I am

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moj
Member Since: 2004
Posts: 3,698
#35  Re: ohh what a doo laly of a pickle!!  26 Aug '05 at 15:29
Why is it that he has to give you attention every waking moment? Has it occurred to you there is other stuff in his life? This relationship/thing is only, what, weeks old? and already you're getting annoyed? This is what men call clingy and it's really fcuking annoying

Originally posted by toiletduck

Alright, I'd like to say that all eople with 3 letter forum names beginning with M, who've been heli skiing in NZ are twats with the social skills of a dead horse and should probably be banned from the internet in general, as well as sharp objects.
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helsbels
Member Since: 2004
Posts: 2,044
Weston-super-Mare, (Winter 04/05- Lapland then Morzine - Esprit.)
#36  Re: ohh what a doo laly of a pickle!!  26 Aug '05 at 15:57
right, fox, yes i understand u are trying to give male P.O.V, i know men are simple (no nastiness intended, WTFH said it first) and say what they mean, so do i, which is why i asked him when i had a concern, i will assume for the sake of this discussion that he was honest when he said it wasnt a brush off but being a woman, no matter how cool i play it i still have in my head these things........

why does he not want to see me?
why did he chase after me if he doesnt want me?
was it all just for a shag?
if so why didnt he just say?
is running more interesting than me?
did i do something wrong? say something wrong?
do i even care anymore? is it all worth the hassle?

so thats what i'm thinking

this is what im doing
nothing, playin it cool, ball in his court, if there was no brush off he'll be back when he's free (or horny )

if/when he finds time to spend with me i will go along with it and see how things are. just don't wanna be pissed about mate, i'm always pretty honest, dont intentionally play games and thats all i expect back, if he is genuinely too busy to fit me in for a few hours in a week then i will lose interest so he needs to tell me that.

its all abit of a jumble in my head that im trying to figure out so sorry if it doesnt all make alot of sense

moj....i dont want attention every waking moment, just need to know if he wants me or not, more than happy for him to have other stuff, i've got other stuff too but would MAKE time for him. which he doesnt seem to wanna do 4 me. yes its all still new, no im not getting annoyed, just confuzzled and would rather rant on at you lot than at him!!! and PLEASE can we stop implying i'm clingy. i am not.


so what do u think i should do, moj says too clingy so i guess chill out. foxy says he's pissed at me so i guess apologise? and i thought men where simple?!!
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helsbels
Member Since: 2004
Posts: 2,044
Weston-super-Mare, (Winter 04/05- Lapland then Morzine - Esprit.)
#37  Re: ohh what a doo laly of a pickle!!  26 Aug '05 at 16:00
crikey that was long!!!
forgot to say....it was you lot who told be to hop on in the first place!!! its all your fault!!!!!!
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WTFH
Member Since: 2004
Posts: 14,398
Surrey
#38  Re: ohh what a doo laly of a pickle!!  26 Aug '05 at 16:09

Originally posted by helsbels

so what do u think i should do, moj says too clingy so i guess chill out. foxy says he's pissed at me so i guess apologise? and i thought men where simple?!!

You do both - it's simple!

Give it about a week or more, then give him a call, just asking how he is, tell him you're going out with a few friends, and it would be great if he can come along.
Nothing more than that. Don't make him feel pressured.

If he contacts you, make sure you are relaxed and friendly, and DON'T bring up the "brushed off" conversation. (this really p!sses guys off when a comment made in a previous conversation is brought back as an argument)
I post, therefore I am

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helsbels
Member Since: 2004
Posts: 2,044
Weston-super-Mare, (Winter 04/05- Lapland then Morzine - Esprit.)
#40  Re: ohh what a doo laly of a pickle!!  26 Aug '05 at 16:20

Originally posted by WTFH

Originally posted by helsbels

so what do u think i should do, moj says too clingy so i guess chill out. foxy says he's pissed at me so i guess apologise? and i thought men where simple?!!

You do both - it's simple!

Give it about a week or more, then give him a call, just asking how he is, tell him you're going out with a few friends, and it would be great if he can come along.
Nothing more than that. Don't make him feel pressured.

If he contacts you, make sure you are relaxed and friendly, and DON'T bring up the "brushed off" conversation. (this really p!sses guys off when a comment made in a previous conversation is brought back as an argument)

i wouldnt bring it up, he said it wasnt so thats that. conversation finished. no need to bring it up again.

what i dont get is that we were just getting somewhere, seein eachother a couple of times a week, and he's just suddenly cooled off. me being me, i'll just leave it now coz i dont wanna appear clingy or needy but isn't there a fine line between being chilled out and being mistaken for uninterested?
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moj
Member Since: 2004
Posts: 3,698
#41  Re: ohh what a doo laly of a pickle!!  26 Aug '05 at 16:23

Originally posted by bigdog

It sounds to me like you re right, it was a brush off. He maybe busy or whatever but if hes keen he ll want to see u anyway right? I think the gut feeling is usually correct.

No I'm sorry that's crap, I've had girlfriends I've been "keen" on but I wouldn't drop everything just because they called, if I'm busy I'm busy.

Originally posted by toiletduck

Alright, I'd like to say that all eople with 3 letter forum names beginning with M, who've been heli skiing in NZ are twats with the social skills of a dead horse and should probably be banned from the internet in general, as well as sharp objects.
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moj
Member Since: 2004
Posts: 3,698
#43  Re: ohh what a doo laly of a pickle!!  26 Aug '05 at 16:33

Originally posted by bigdog

well fair enough, I m not saying drop everything and dash round cos she said his name too loud. But when someone says they re too busy to see u at all, indefinitely, because they ve got 'running' to do, its not a good sign

maybe he's well into running

Originally posted by toiletduck

Alright, I'd like to say that all eople with 3 letter forum names beginning with M, who've been heli skiing in NZ are twats with the social skills of a dead horse and should probably be banned from the internet in general, as well as sharp objects.
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WTFH
Member Since: 2004
Posts: 14,398
Surrey
#44  Re: ohh what a doo laly of a pickle!!  26 Aug '05 at 16:34

Originally posted by moj

Originally posted by bigdog

well fair enough, I m not saying drop everything and dash round cos she said his name too loud. But when someone says they re too busy to see u at all, indefinitely, because they ve got 'running' to do, its not a good sign

maybe he's well into running

Well, she did say he was training for a marathon...
I post, therefore I am

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helsbels
Member Since: 2004
Posts: 2,044
Weston-super-Mare, (Winter 04/05- Lapland then Morzine - Esprit.)
#45  Re: ohh what a doo laly of a pickle!!  26 Aug '05 at 16:36

Originally posted by bigdog

In my humble opinion its a total generalisation to say "men are simple things, what they say is what they mean, I know because I am a man"

It sounds to me like you re right, it was a brush off. He maybe busy or whatever but if hes keen he ll want to see u anyway right? I think the gut feeling is usually correct.

thats the way i saw it, and like you said in reply to moj, no i dont want him to drop everything, friends are way too important to drop for any bird/guy you are seeing, but i dont wanna be at the bottom of a pile of things he'll get round to doing in a couple of weeks time, im worth more than that.
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