New office terminology //

Author
  Topic Started By:  Kenzie    On:  Fri 23rd September, 2005 at 12:47
Kenzie
Member Since: 2004
Posts: 3,051
God's own county/Tignes/South America/North America/Australasia/Asia/Africa
#1  New office terminology  23 Sep '05 at 12:47
How many can you apply to your office?

TESTICULATING - Waving your arms around and talking bollocks.

BLAMESTORMING - Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.


SEAGULL MANAGER - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

ASSMOSIS - The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY - The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream, only to get screwed and die.

CUBE FARM - An office filled with cubicles.

PRAIRIE DOGGING - When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. (This also applies to a promotion/birthday because there may be cake)

MOUSE POTATO - The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

STRESS PUPPY - A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE - The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

ADMINISPHERE - The rarefied organisational layers just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the 'adminisphere' are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded 'administrivia' - needless paperwork and processes.

404 - Someone who is clueless. From the Web error message '404 Not Found' meaning that a requested document could not be located.

OH NO SECOND - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realise that you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g.; you've hit 'reply all')
         Jump to Top
Skibum
Member Since: 2004
Posts: 3,113
The Back of Beyond.
#2  Re: New office terminology  23 Sep '05 at 12:52
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE - The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.


Has a tendancy to set airbags off if used on the wrong device! However, when used correctly nothing matches it... if used incorrectly, the momentary glee from smashing a piece-of-crap device to pieces is then replaced by rage-remorse!
"The Dude abides."
         Jump to Top
Vix63
Member Since: 2005
Posts: 1,631
here, there and everywhere
#3  Re: New office terminology  23 Sep '05 at 12:57
After only 2 days in office job, I can identify with almost ALL of the above. As an added bonus, I also know the bowel movements of everyone else here, because people like to inform me of these things..... Great stuff!
www.myspace.com/vix63
         Jump to Top
Skibum
Member Since: 2004
Posts: 3,113
The Back of Beyond.
#4  Re: New office terminology  23 Sep '05 at 13:01

Originally posted by Vix63

After only 2 days in office job, I can identify with almost ALL of the above. As an added bonus, I also know the bowel movements of everyone else here, because people like to inform me of these things..... Great stuff!

What info do you get? Consistency? Size? Colour? It all might be important!
"The Dude abides."
         Jump to Top
WTFH
Member Since: 2004
Posts: 14,398
Surrey
#5  Re: New office terminology  23 Sep '05 at 13:02

Originally posted by Vix63

After only 2 days in office job, I can identify with almost ALL of the above. As an added bonus, I also know the bowel movements of everyone else here, because people like to inform me of these things..... Great stuff!


Are you sure they're not just talking crap?
I post, therefore I am

         Jump to Top
Skibum
Member Since: 2004
Posts: 3,113
The Back of Beyond.
#6  Re: New office terminology  23 Sep '05 at 13:03
Would that be excritulating?
"The Dude abides."
         Jump to Top
Vix63
Member Since: 2005
Posts: 1,631
here, there and everywhere
#7  Re: New office terminology  23 Sep '05 at 13:04
Well, someone just informed me that their 'turtle's head' had disappeared!! AAArrgh!!

At uni, cos i was doing med micro, we all had to take in stool samples to plate out on agar and grow up the bacteria present. Just what you want the fit guy you've been trying to hook with to see!!!
www.myspace.com/vix63
         Jump to Top
Kenzie
Member Since: 2004
Posts: 3,051
God's own county/Tignes/South America/North America/Australasia/Asia/Africa
#8  Re: New office terminology  23 Sep '05 at 13:06
Off-topic, but funny:-

AND WHO SAID MEN WEREN'T SENSITIVE!!!!



A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar.

They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.



They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears.



Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.



The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side.



She turns to him... they kiss.... and then they rip each other's clothes off and make hot steamy love.



After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling,

"Well, how was it?"



The guy says:............................















"Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."
         Jump to Top
Skibum
Member Since: 2004
Posts: 3,113
The Back of Beyond.
#9  Re: New office terminology  23 Sep '05 at 13:07

Originally posted by Vix63

Well, someone just informed me that their 'turtle's head' had disappeared!! AAArrgh!!

At uni, cos i was doing med micro, we all had to take in stool samples to plate out on agar and grow up the bacteria present. Just what you want the fit guy you've been trying to hook with to see!!!

Yeah, on the other hand, I'm sure he's made up that the fit girl he was trying to pull is picking peanuts out of one of his Richard IIIs...
"The Dude abides."
         Jump to Top
Vix63
Member Since: 2005
Posts: 1,631
here, there and everywhere
#10  Re: New office terminology  23 Sep '05 at 13:14
God it was glamorous!!!
www.myspace.com/vix63
         Jump to Top
user10
Member Since: 2004
Posts: 475
#11  Re: New office terminology  23 Sep '05 at 16:36
@ Kenzie
         Jump to Top

Latest Posts
- Ski Lift operator Jobs
- French speaking male bar staff required!
- Chef/Kitchen Staff Wanted in Les 2 Alpes
- Topic: Sharing seasonal accommodation 2017/18
- lift to any french resort
- How do you get a job?
- Accommodation Le La
- Childcare position Val d'Isere
- Female Bartender Wanted
- Bar staff wanted for a bar in a French ski sresort