Hangover Scale... //

Author
  Topic Started By:  Skibum    On:  Thu 22nd September, 2005 at 18:44
Skibum
Member Since: 2004
Posts: 3,113
The Back of Beyond.
#1  Hangover Scale...  22 Sep '05 at 18:44
I'm not laying claim to this one, but it sort of fits with the thread from Princess Bags...

One Star Hangover
No pain. No real feeling of illness. Your sleep last night was a mere disco nap, which has given you a whole lot of misplaced energy. Be glad that you are able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 10 sodas and still feel this way. You are craving a steak bomb and a side of gravy fries.


Two Star Hangover
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only exacerbating your rumbling gut, which is craving a rootie tootie fresh and fruity pancake breakfast from IHOP. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.


Three Star Hangover
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the random gin shots you did with your alcoholic friends after the bouncer 86'd you at 1:45 a.m. Life would be better right now if you were in your bed with a dozen donuts and a meatball hero watching the E! fashion awards. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 Snapples and a liter of diet coke, yet you haven't peed once.


Four Star Hangover
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you missed an oh-so crucial spot shaving, (girls, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars.) Your eyes look like one big vein and your hair style makes you look like a reject from the class picture of Grover Cleveland HS, class of '84.


Five Star Hangover
AKA "Dante's 4th Circle of Hell."
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the sh*t fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva, so your tongue is suffocating you. Death seems pretty good right now. You definitely don't remember who you were with, where you were, what you drank and why there is a stranger still sleeping in your bed at your otherwise empty house.


Six Star Hangover
Otherwise known as the "Infinite Nut smacker"
You wake up on your bathroom floor. For about 2 seconds you look at the ceiling, wondering if the cool refreshing feeling on your cheek is the bathroom tile or your vomit from 5 hours ago. It is amazing how your roommate was as drunk as you, but somehow managed to get up before you. You try to lift your head. Not an option. Then you inadvertently turn your head too quickly and smell the funk of 13 packs of cigarettes in your hair. Suddenly you realize you were smoking, but not ultra lights... some jackass handed you Marlboro reds, and you smoked them like it was your second full time job. You look in the mirror only to see remnants of the stamp "Ready to Rock" faintly atop your forehead... the stamp on the back of your hand that has magically appeared on your forehead by alcoholic osmosis. You have to be to work in t-minus 14 minutes and 32 seconds and the only thing you can think of wearing is your "hello kitty" pajamas and your slippers.
"The Dude abides."
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Robinq
Member Since: 2005
Posts: 479
Verbier
#2  Re: Hangover Scale...  22 Sep '05 at 19:27
i'm laughing too hard.... it hurts
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Bags
Member Since: 2005
Posts: 2,042
London
#3  Re: Re: Hangover Scale...  23 Sep '05 at 09:06

Originally posted by Skibum

Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy.



I don't really get bad hangovers, but if I've drunk loads, I definitely get the vodka vapour thing!

Nice to see we're all fully clued up on the effects of alcohol then.
"I am a very good skier...in my mind. However, video evidence suggests that I'm rubbish. I look like a bus driver in a primary-coloured anorak, sitting on an imaginary lavatory. Also I can only turn right. So to mask my embarrassment, and the pain in my thighs, I ski only when very drunk. I can recommend this wholeheartedly." Jeremy Clarkson
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Vix63
Member Since: 2005
Posts: 1,631
here, there and everywhere
#4  Re: Hangover Scale...  23 Sep '05 at 09:10
mouth tastes like something crawled in and died.....nice!!
www.myspace.com/vix63
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sam_c
Member Since: 2004
Posts: 891
North London
#6  Re: Hangover Scale...  23 Sep '05 at 09:43
on a slight tangent I went to a pub quiz last night, got utterly hammered and staggered home at midnight, but for some reason have woken up today feeling better than usual!

I think this is the first time this has EVER happened, I usually hit a 4-5 on the hangover scale

i'm not complaining tho this is ace
04/05 & 05/06 - Meribel, D!cks Tea Bar, DJ
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sam_c
Member Since: 2004
Posts: 891
North London
#8  Re: Hangover Scale...  23 Sep '05 at 09:45

Originally posted by techmonkey

Oh, they forgot the bit where for about 5 hours your piss is the colour and smell of whatever tacky alcopop you've been necking, so getting rid of the poison makes you feel even more ill.. bleurgh

did you know bogger from d!cks? when he went for the medical at the start of the season he apparently heard the french woman go 'oooh la la' when she picked up his urine sample
04/05 & 05/06 - Meribel, D!cks Tea Bar, DJ
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seejay
Member Since: 2005
Posts: 790
Val - Newcastle - Bucks
#9  Re: Re: Hangover Scale...  23 Sep '05 at 09:53

Originally posted by Skibum

You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the sh*t fairy out.

sh1t fairy.... lmao.
[color=#FF0000:e61dce8b75] its all about the [/color:e61dce8b75]: Jib-Vid
2 points up.
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Skibum
Member Since: 2004
Posts: 3,113
The Back of Beyond.
#11  Re: Hangover Scale...  23 Sep '05 at 12:04

Originally posted by sam_c

on a slight tangent I went to a pub quiz last night, got utterly hammered


You wild man of rock, you!! Getting slaughtered at a pub quiz...
"The Dude abides."
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sam_c
Member Since: 2004
Posts: 891
North London
#12  Re: Hangover Scale...  23 Sep '05 at 12:18

Originally posted by Skibum

Originally posted by sam_c

on a slight tangent I went to a pub quiz last night, got utterly hammered


You wild man of rock, you!! Getting slaughtered at a pub quiz...

they had that free booze promotion that knackered me last week on again

i love pub quizzes. we came third last this week - a step up from normal
04/05 & 05/06 - Meribel, D!cks Tea Bar, DJ
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Skibum
Member Since: 2004
Posts: 3,113
The Back of Beyond.
#13  Re: Hangover Scale...  23 Sep '05 at 12:29

Originally posted by sam_c

free booze


All you needed to say....
"The Dude abides."
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Bags
Member Since: 2005
Posts: 2,042
London
#14  Re: Re: Hangover Scale...  25 Sep '05 at 19:37

Originally posted by Skibum

One Star Hangover
No pain. No real feeling of illness. Your sleep last night was a mere disco nap, which has given you a whole lot of misplaced energy.[/quote:c1238a78db]
I wish!

[quote:c1238a78db="Skibum"]Five Star Hangover
AKA "Dante's 4th Circle of Hell."

Apart from the sleeping stranger bit, that's pretty spot on....

Wine then vodka then wine. I think that might be an inadvisable mix... It's funny, but even sleeping til 5pm didn't work. Now off to inflict myself on the M40. Oh dear.
"I am a very good skier...in my mind. However, video evidence suggests that I'm rubbish. I look like a bus driver in a primary-coloured anorak, sitting on an imaginary lavatory. Also I can only turn right. So to mask my embarrassment, and the pain in my thighs, I ski only when very drunk. I can recommend this wholeheartedly." Jeremy Clarkson
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